Why one should never smoke hash at a family reunion...

(We find Mr. Bilford Blaze lingering at the home of his BFF, Mr. Neil Barnes. Mr. Blaze is hitting up his Facebook, while Mr. Barnes is battling alien humanoids on Call of Duty.)

Blaze (having pulled up his Facebook page, sees a Friend Request from some hot chick): "Dude! Dude! This hot chick totally wants to add me!"

Barnes (glancing from across the room, where he lingers over his Manga mag): "What's her name? Where's she from? What's her bra size?"

Blaze (wide eyed): "Dude...she's from Sidda!"

(Sidda, the boys' hometown.)

Barnes (immediately getting up and looking over his friend's shoulder): "What the-- she IS hot!"

Blaze (reading her profile): "Lacy Walters...eighteen... likes hanging out with her friends and trying new things..."

Barnes: "Fuckin right."

Blaze: "Totally confirming this shit."

Barnes: "You should send a message first, before chatting. You know, something nonchalant. You don't want to seem like you're that desperate."

Blaze: "Shut up, man."

(After a few more rounds of Call of Duty, Blaze leaves Barnes' house...and walks across the street to his own. As he tosses his jacket on the rack in the hallway, he walks lazily into the kitchen. He stops short, witnessing something he never thought he'd see in his life-- The Hot Chick from Facebook standing there, with his Mom.)

Blaze's Mom: "Oh Blaze, you're home. You remember your cousin Lacy."

Blaze (dies.): "Cousin..."

Lacy (suddenly jumping into his arms and hugging him in amicable enthusiasm): "Cuzz! I've missed you soooo much! I haven't seen you since the family reunion last summer! And now we're going to the same college, how cool is that!"

(And so ends the momentary joy and short-lived elation that was the hope for the tantric sexual encounters and late-night telephone conversations bragging to Mr. Neil Barnes...)

Blaze (as he finishes recounting the story to his BFF via telephone): "Mother fucker..."

Barnes: "How can you let something like that slip your fucking mind...I mean dude, she's your cousin."

Blaze: "I thank you for all this."

Barnes: "What, why?"

Blaze: "I was smoking some good stuff at that family reunion...I probably thought she was a ficus or something when I met her."