That Age Old Question...

(We find Mr. Bilford Blaze and Mr. Neil Barnes sitting in relative contemplation among five empty cans of Redbull and an empty bag of Doritos.)

Blaze (after measurable reflection): "Scarlett Johansson...or Natalie Portman..."

Barnes: "Dude, totally Scarlett Jo."

Blaze: "Nah, man. Nat Port."

Barnes (rationally): "Scarlett's a blond. Blonds are hot."

Blaze (insistently): "Nat's a brunette. Brunettes are hot and smart."

Barnes: "Hey, hey, that's an unfair stereotype. Scarlett Jo is fluent in English and Danish."

Blaze: "Nat Port has a psychology degree...from Harvard."

Barnes: "Well, Scarlett Jo is a Democratic advocate who campaigned tirelessly for Kerry and Obama!"

Blaze: "Nat Port is too cool for politics, she fuckin fights for the rights of genocide orphans in Uganda!"

(There's a slight pause of reflective silence...)

Blaze: "...Why do we know this shit?..."

Barnes (standing abruptly, and grabbing yet another can of Redbull): "Come. We must vigorously masturbate to obscenely degrading paraphernalia, then go out of doors and shoot things; to reclaim our manhood and defeat the foreboding influence of defending the supple breasts and formative minds of the feminine race--that are Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson."